What Is The Funniest Thing You Saw In Your Security Career?

The paper camera thread gave me a pretty good laugh, and with another round of snow about to hit us, I could use another one.

Mine was back in my days of selling EAS systems. I had a store in the Midwest with the EAS antennas set up very similar to this picture, except the antenna closest to the wall was only about 8" away and the wall was brick.

A very "large" suspected shoplifter thought if she squeezed between the wall and the EAS antenna she wouldn't set off the alarm with the merchandise she had allegedly stolen. The antennas are bolted to the floor and the metal tube style antennas didn't have a lot of flex. About halfway through her potential escape she became wedged between the wall and the antenna. Of course the EAS alarm started beeping and the light started flashing. At this point she began screaming for help and the employees responding had no idea what to do.

They spent a few minutes trying to get her out before calling 911. Both Fire and Police were dispatched. Once FD got there they looked at the situation for a few minutes and decided extraction was the best course of action. Luckily they did turn off the power supply first. They then used the jaws of life to cut through the antenna. This worked pretty well and the suspect was escorted off to jail.

The account showed me the video which I would love to have had a copy of, but of course they couldn't give me. Of all the things I've seen in 23 years of security sales, this was the funniest.

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***, **, * ******'* **** *** **** ** ***** ******* 1) * *** **** *** *** *** ** *** ******* hair, ** * ***'* ****** *** ******** ****** ***** *** body ********, *** *) * ***'* *** *** ********'* ********. I'm ***** ** ** ***** *** ****** *** ***'* ******** cameras **** * ***** ******* ****, *** **** *** ********* as ****, ******** * ******* ** **** ******* ** *** how ******* ** *****, **** ******* *** ***** (***** ******** wouldn't **** ** * ***** *** ******, ********** *****).

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* ***** ***** ** * (*****) ***** ** ****** **** her **** ***** **** ******** ****!

****'* * ****?

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** *** ****** ***** ****** ****'** *** ***** **** ** people *** **** **** **** ***** ****. ****** ******* **** shown *** ****** ******* ** *** *** ****** ** *****exactly **** ******, all of which can be traced back to accidental ingestion.

**... *********** ***** ** *****, ****** **** *** ** ****?

*** ** *** ********** ** * ***** ****** ******* ********* a ****** ** *** **** ******* *** **** **** **** to *** ** ***** ***** ***** ******* **** ******** **** in ******* *** ********* ** ******** ** ***** ** *** CAMERA ** **** *********!!!! ** **** **** ***** ******* **** the ******** ** ******** *** ******* (****) **** *** ***** (the ****) *** ********** *** ** ***** ********* *******. *** amazing ********** ** **** ****** ***?

** ***, * ** *** **** **** *** ** ***** to *** ******....

*** ** **** ******* *** ** *** **? *** ** some **** ** *******? ** *** ** **** ****** **** to ** ** *** ********?

**** *: ***** ******* ** ********, ***** *********

********: "*** ** ***** **** *** ******"

*********** *: "**** ** ***. ***** is ****** ** ***** ****** ** *** ****** **** ***** capture **** **** **** *******! *** *** **** ***, ****'* you?! ** ****, *'* ******** **********!"

*** *****...****'* ****** **** *** * ******* **. ******* ***** trying ** *** * **** ** ****** **** ** ** a *** **/**** & ************* *** ****'* ***** *** ******** would **** *** ***** ** **** ** * ****** ** "criminal ****" ** *******.

**** ** ***, *** **** *** ****** **** ** **** joke, *** **** ***** *** ** **** "****", ** ****** yet, *** *** **** *** ***** ** **** ****** ** come!! *** '**** ******* *** ** *** ********** ******* ** praise *** "****" *** **** ***** *** ********** ** *** start ** **** ****?

*** ****.*** *********** *** * ***** ***** ** **** ********. ****** ** HAPPENED.

* ***** ** **** ****** ** ** *** ** ***** occurred ** *** **** ** ***** ** ***** ***** ***** it.

**** ***** **** ** *****. ******* **** ****** ***** **** happened ** **** *** & *** - **** ***** **** gone *****. * ***** ** ******* *** ****** **** ** being ****** *** ******** & *****. ***** ** ** ****** in *** ******** ********, ** *** **** * ***** *** (early **'*) ** * **** ** ***** ** *******, ***** on *** ** ********** *** ***** ** ******** ****** ** chose.

********* ** ********, *** ***** *** * ***** ** *** Market ***** (* *****) ***** ****** *** ** *******. *** caused ** **** ******* *** ***** ** ********* ** ********* were ************* ******* ****** *** (****** *******). ***** *** * dishwasher ******* *** ** ***** **** *** ****** ****. ** I ******** ********* **** ****** ** ***** ********* ********* *** each *******. *** ** *** ********** ****** *** **** * piss ** * ***, ***** ** *** ********** (****** ** did **** ** ***). *** *** ** *** ****** **** repairmen **** * **** ** *** ****** ** *** ****** (inside *** ******). ** * ***** **** **** *** ***** around, ** **'* *** *** **** ***!

**** ** ****. ****** ** **** *** **** ***.

***** **: ****://***.***.**/******/*****/*****/***********/**/**********/

**'* *** **** ******* ******, ** *******. ***** **:** ** is *** ***** *** *** **** ** * ***.

*** ***** **** **** *** ****** *** ***** *****, *** you ***** ****...

**** ******** **** *** ** ***** *** *** ****'* **** them ** *** **.

***** *** * ****** *** * ******* **** ********* ******** the ******* *******. ** *** *** ** *******/******* **** **** cameras (********* ** * ***** **** ** *** **** ******) and **** **** ********** **** *******. *** *** *********** *** besides ********** **** *** ** ******* ************ ****** **** ** the ****** ** * ******* *****. *** ***, **** ********** some ****, ** *** ********** **** ******* ****** * ******** tree ***** ** ***** ** *** ******! *** *** ********** promptly *** ** *** ********* **** *** ****** *** ******* the **** **** **** ** *** ****** ** ***** **** replied...ok, **'** ***** ** **** * ****** ** ****...***'* ****?

**** ******* ** ** * ***** ** * ******** ** mine *** *** *** **** ********* **** ****** **** *** live ***** *** *** *** ******* ***** ****** *** **** in *** ********.

*'* **** *** ********** **** ********* **** ** ***** *** happening *****. ** *** * **** ******* *** ** **.

******* ***** *** ** **** ********** * *********** **** *** head ** ********, ********* ****** *********. ** ****** ** ********* possible ******** *** * ********* ******** **** ** *********. ***** was * ***** ****** ***** *** ********* **** ** ******. As ** *** ** * ******** ***** **** ** *** moved **** *** ***** ** **** **** ******** *** ****. No *** **** ******** ***** **** ** **** **** **** comical. *'* ****** **** **** ***** *** ***** **** ***.

******** ********** * **** ** ***** ************ ****** * *** weeks ****** * ****** ***** *** *** ** ****. **** was ****** *** ***** **** *** *********. *** ******** ** the ******* *** ******* *********** ** *** ************* ********.

**** **** * *** ***** ***** ** ***** *** * problem *** *** *** ** *** ******* **** ********* *** dressing ****! ******* **** ****** ******* *** ******** ** *** dressing **** *** ******* *** ** **** **. ******* ******** that ****** *** ******* **. * ** ********* ** ******** complained ***** *** ****** ***** ****** ** ** *** **** obvious.

* *** * ********** *********** **** ** **** (** *** to ***** **** *****) ******* ** *** ******* ********. * went ** ** ***** **** ****** **** ***** **** *******. Our ******* *** * ********** *** ******* *** ******. * was ******* ** *** *** *** ** **** **** * 16mm **** **** * ***** ****** *** ***********.

***** **** *** * *** ********* ** *** *** ************ to ******* ****** *** ** *** ** * ********** ***********. As *** */* **** ******* ******* * ******* ***** ****** unload **** ******* ** ******* ******* ***.

**** ******* ** ******** *** ****** ** ******* ****** ******** to ***** **** ** ****** *** **** ***** ***** ****** this **** **** ***** * *****! **** ******** ** *** it *** ********** ******* **** * **** ****** **** **** criminal *** ***** ** ** ********.

****** ** * *** ***** ***** **** *** **** *** radio ********. * ********** *** ***** ****** ** ** ****** a *** *** *** ***** ****** ******** ****** *** ***** could ****** *** ***. ** *** ***** **** ** **** up *** *** *** *** ** *** **** ** *********. He *** ***** ****** **** *** **** *** * ***** customer.

*** ******* ** *) *** *** ***** *** *) **** the ****? ****. **** ** **** ******* ********.

* ******** ** *** ******* ** ** *** ***** ****** and ******* ** *** **** *** ** *** ****** ******. I ******* ******* **** ***, ******* *** **** **** ********* was *** ********* ***** *'* **** ***** ** *** **** only *********** ********* ** * **** ***** *** ** * secure **** ****** * ******* *** **** *** ********. *** now * ***** *** **** ********* *** **** ****** *** to *** ** *** ** **** **********. **** ****** **** goes ******, ***** ******.

* *** * ****** *** ****** **** **** * ******** director **** ******* ** ********** *** ***** *** ******* ****** in *** *****. ** * ****** ** **** ***** ******, he ************ *** ****** ** *** ******** **** ***** **** engaged ** *** ******* ** *** **** ****'* ***** ** through * ******** ****. ** ****** ** * "**** **" reel ** ***** ** *******' ***** ******* ** ** *** door.

*** ******** *** ****** ****** *** ****: ***** ********, **** panicked ******** ** ***** *** **** ******* ******* *** ****** wheel, ******* ******** ** *** ******* ******* **** **** *** parking ***, ******* ****** *** **** **** *******, ******, *****, etc. ********* ** *** ******** ********, **** *** *** ******* effect: ** *************, ** ****** *********** *** *** ***** **** behind.

*** ***** ********** *** ******* *** * *** ********* ** the ******* ** ****** ********** ** *****: ********** **** ******** with **** ** *** ** ****** ******* *******.

*****, **** ** ****** **** *** ****** **** ** *********** tactic ** **** **** **** ***** ******. *** ** ******* more ******?

****, **** *** * *** ***** *** *** * *****'* spoken **** *** *****. *** **** **** ** **** ** the ****, ** *** * **** ********* *** ** ****** theft *** ** ***** ** **** ** *** *********** ** all ** *** ****** **** ***** ***** *** ** ********* that *************. **'* ***** *** ** **********. * ****** ******* shopping **** ***** **** **** **** ********* ***** ** *** cart *** *** ********. ***** **** ** ******* *********** ***** at *** ***** **** ** **** **** **********.

* **** *** * ********** ** *** ** ******* **** analog *** ***** ******* ** * ******** **** *** *******, he ******* *** ******* *** ********* ** *** *** ***** them ***** *** "*****-***" *** **** ********* *** **** *** left **** ** *** ****. ***** *** * ******** * call *** **** *** **** *** ******** ********* *** *** his ****** **** ****** ****? ***** *** *** ********** **** upon ****** *** ******** *****, ******* ** ******** *** ****** mount **** *** ****** ** *** *** ****** ** *** top ****** ******* **** *** "*****-***" *** ***** *** ******* - ***** *** ***** *** ******** ** ****-**** **** *******?? I ***** *** * ***** ** **** *** **** * tell **** *****...

****'* * ***** ***? * **** ***!

***, ** *** *** *** ** ***** **** **** ***** cams **** **** **** ****'* *** *** ***** ***** ******** correctly.. (***)

* **** ******* ******* ***** * ******** *** *** ******* removed. **** ** ** ***** ********* *** *** ***** ********* that *** ****** **** ********. ** ** **** *** **** at *** ***** *** *** *** ***** **** *** ****** as ** ******* ****. ** *** ** ****** ******** ***** who ********** **** *** ****** ****** - ** *** ******* him *** ****** ** *** ** *** *** ******.

******* ** ****** **** *** ***** ***** ****** ********** ** well?

***** ** ***** **** ***** *** ****, ** **** ***** those **** ***.

**. ***'** ****** ** ***.

** ** * **** *** ******* *** ****** ****** ******* to **** ****. ** * ** **** ** *** *** 'guy' *** **** *** ** **** ** **** **** *** my *******. ** ***** ** ******** *-****, ** **** ** I **** ****, * **** *** "** *** **** **** IPVMU ********* *****?, ** ***** **** *** ***'* **** ****, you **** **** ** *** *** *** ********* *****!" **, what * ******* ** *** ** *** ** * **** way ***! ** * *****, *** *** ******** **** *****.

** * *** **** *** ** ** ***-**-***-***** ******, *** its ******* *** ** *****, ****** ** *** *** *** rubber ***** *** ***** ***** *** ** ***** ***** ***** picture ****. *** * ** *** ****** ***** *********, ** I ** **** ** *** *** *** *** "**** ****** has ****** *****", ** ***** ** *** **** "** *** good" *** **** "*** *** *** */** *******, * **** "yeah, *** **** ** *** *** ****, *** * ****** yours *** * *****?" ** **** **** "**", **** *** he ****** ******* ** "**"

** ** ***** ** **** ***** ***** *** * *** "yeah ****, **** ** * **** ***" *** * **** it **** *** *** **** ** ***** **** ***** *** everything ******* *** ** *****, ****** ****** ***** **** *** rubber *****, ********* **** *** **** ***** ***** *** ***** focus ***** ***** ** ** ** ***** ** ***** (*****), I ** **** ** *** *** *** *** "**** */** adapter ***** ** *******!" *** *'* ******* ** **** *** sell ****** ********. *** **** **** ***** *** ******** ** unscrews *** *** ******* **** *** ***** *** *** **** smiling , "** **, ***** *** ** *** *** ***?"

****, *** *'* ****** *'* ***** **** ** **** '*******' ** **** ***, ****** ** ****** *** *** ******* the ****** ******* **** *** *******, ***** **** ** ** 1000 ***?

***** *** ********* *****? ****'* * *****-******** ********* **** ** play ** **** **-*******, ********** *** '*** ***', ****'* **** to ******* ****** ** *****-***** ******* ** *** '***** ****' or *** '***** *******' ** ******** **** ******** **** ** called...

****'* **** *** **** *** *** **** ***** *****:

*********:************ ****** **** ***-*** *****. *** ******** *********** *******

******:**** ***** **** ********** ******. *** ***.

********:******* ******** ** > ** **** ******* ****** *** *** viewing *******, ********** **** * **** ******* *** *** *** somewhat *** ** *******. ******* *** ****** ** **** **** viewing ****.

****'* *** ***** **** *** *** ***: *** **** *** newbie **** *** **** **** ****** **** *********** ** * camera's *****, ****, ***** ** ******** ***** *****. ****,

*.******** ****** **** **** **** ** ******** ****** *** *** ****** *** ***** ********, ****** ** *** 1 ****** ****** **** *** ****** **** **. ******** ****** to **** *** ********** ** ******** ****.

*. **** *** ****** ******* *** ************ *** '*** *** *****'.

*. ***** *** **** (** ***** ** *** **** *** best ******), *** **** *** ** *****,******** ** ** *** ******.

*. **** ** ********** **** ** **** ** **** ****** comment, **** ** * ***** ** '**** ****?' **** *********** pauses.*********** ******* **************** ** *** ***** *** *** **** **** give * **** ***** ** *********** *****!*** ******** ** **** **** ** *** ****** ** **** as ********.** **** *** ** *******.

*. ******** ** ** *******,**** **** * **** ** *** **** *** ****** *** look **** *** **** *** ******* *** "*** *** **** are ***?"** *** ***** **** **** ** *** ** *** **** of *** ****. ***** ** ***** *** *** "**, *** *** **** *** ***?"

*. ******** ** **** ** *** ******* ****,******** ******* **** ****** *** **** ** ******.

*. ****** ****** ** ***** ******* '*******' *** ** ****.**** *** ****** ** **** ****** ** ***'who *** **** ** ******' him (**** ****** ****, **** ****** ** *****'* **** *****), *** deliver "Who *** **** *** ***?" to yourself.

*. ***** ******** *****/*** **** ** ****** ** *********.

*** ******* *********, ** ********** ****** *** ** **** ** capture *** ****** ******/******** ****** *** ***** ***.******** *** ***** *** ** *****-****** ****,******* ** ********* *** *********. *****.

** ***, *** **** *** ****. * ******** ****** ** calm * **** ****'* ***** *** *** ********* ** *** security ***** *** **** ** ******* *** ***** ********* ** the **** ***** *** *** *** ***** ********** ****** ** break ** ** *** **** ** *** *****. *** ****** herself *** ***** *** ******* *** *** *** *** *****. I ******** *** *** ***** *** **** ** *******, *** go **** *** **** **** ** ********* *** **** ****** to **** **** *** *** ** **** ***** ***** *** manager ******* ****.

**** **** *** ******* ******, ******* **********.

**** ********** ****** **** *****.