Me: "No Questions, your Honor!"
[another wave of aghast murmuring erupts; the signmaker's expression slowly changes from bewlidered to indignant, as he abjectly moves past the silently shaking head of court reporter on his way down from the stand.]
Me: "Rather, if it would please the Court, the defense would like to recall the Director of the Biometric Services Alliance to the stand!"
Judge: "IT does NOT please this court, and furthermore YOU do NOT please this court, I'm afraid the Court has not the time nor the patience for another one of your 'fishing' expeditions!"
Me: "Your Honor, I believe if the court would allow me to.."
[The agitated judge motions for both counsel to the bench; only the odd soundbite escapes from the hushed and strained voices in conflict: something concerning a "kangaroo" and "3-ring circus", and a warning that this better be "leading somewhere", are all we hear. Judge exasperatedly orders the Bailiff to recall the witness]
Me: "Please state your name and occupation for the court, and may I remind you Sir that you are still under oath."
Witness: "Rod Rippoff, Director of BS, at the BS Alliance."
Me: "Mr. Rippoff, in your prior testimony you claimed that you installed numerous BS systems in aid of fingerscanning, which also had the capability of storing hi-res images of the fingerprints themselves if so enabled. You also claimed to link this data to snapshots taken at the same time the scan was performed. If this is so then I wonder if you wouldn't mind pulling up any records from the east gate at precisely 9:00AM this morning, on your BS fingerphone?"
Witness: "Sure thing, just a give me a second..., ah there it is! Ha! I see you visited our facility this morning, hope you had a blast!" [holds up smartphone with headshot of defense attorney on one side of the screen, and a finger datapoint diagram on the other]
Me: "Let the court note the BS Director to be showing system functionality indicating my own Biometrics. Let the court further show [slowly raising hands as the courtroom holds its breath], that I was born without fingerprints! [court reporter faints, pandemonium ensues, judge calls for order, threatens to clear court] So isn't it true that this system has never recorded anyone's prints and was only designed to scare park goers who would try to beat the system?" [then from the gallery is heard "But I saw it work with my own eyes!"] "What you saw was Rod's Alliance buddies staging a fingerscam routine, where one gets publicly 'busted' trying to use another's card. Isn't that true Rod?"
Witness:[Almost in tears, head in hands] "It wasn't supposed to be like this, we were going to control it this time, keep it pure, you know? We would make BS a household word. People would hear Biometrics, but they would think BS! All went well until the B. Rhodes article was published and a flurry of flagrant Frankenfinger fraud made us abandon any hope of ever collecting a single valid datapoint. But by then it didn't matter because we learned that honest people are terrified of Biometrics, and the sign was just another way to scare them. Anyone can tell that the signmaker had nothing to do with it, look at it, its got BS written all over it!"
Judge:"I've heard enough from you, Bailiff release the defendant and take Mr. Rippoff into custody at once."
[Gavel bangs, loud cheering, court reporter rises, Rippoff swoons, curtain closes?]