Dear Mr. Trojan,
I appreciate your candor. I hope you can appreciate mine as well.
I must admit that although I have admired your blingful good looks and your sturdy construction, your unexpected and gratuitous appearance, via overseas courier had aroused my suspicions right away.
Normally my innate greed and natural sense of entitlement are enough to make me not look a gift Trojan in the mouth, but here I was unable. I think it was your generous 2.8-12mm vari-focality more than anything that alerted me to a possible Sino-sinister motive.
In any case I herefore regret tell you that you have been living in an illusion. You have only ever been connected to my Faraday cage enclosed CPU, running Honeyweb 2.0. You haven't even left the box, save for the photoshoot!
Sadly, those who you would call as friends and allies, namely NetGearV2 and DOCSucksCM, and even the willing MercuryMasterPan, are only computer generated virtual entities, and only designed to act and feel like everyday insecure devices. Sorry for that.
Though I have noticed your c3po like fluency with other native devices (even if simulated), and I would be willing to give you your freedom, if and only if you can make my Dahua NVR play an audio clip on motion, as it should be able to.
This would be worth letting you on my network freely. You can join the other viruses and Trojans already inhabiting most devices worldwide.
All my base are belong to you(s).