Baltimore PD feedback:
First paragraph is weak, focuses on details not important to our readers:
"Secured Cities in Baltimore wrapped up with a tour of Baltimore's domain awareness system it calls Citiwatch."
(1) very few people know what secured cities is (2) the name of their system is boring and inconsequential
Why show the one photo? It makes you look petty and passive aggressive. better to simply say 'photos were not allowed inside'
This is a weird lead critique, especially as the first thing "The downside of the tour was that it focused on the functionality of the system once it was already in place and little about what it took to set it up." it's like they gave you filet mignon but you complain that there was no lobster. You have no meaningful critique here beyond that they didn't cover this. Also how does this help the reader?
The actual four critiques are interesting and on point. Don't bury them under so much preamble.
Finally, you say, "In one video, the operator tracked a man acting suspiciously until he broke a car window." This was a recorded previous clip or a live event while you were there? If it's the later, that's pretty impressive. Otherwise, not sure what that means.